Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
