I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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