Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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