you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
