my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
