I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
