turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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