I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
