So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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