i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize