Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
