Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
