So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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