I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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