Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
