Moan for me like Helen Keller
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
