I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
