Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
