i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am naked and annoyed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
