I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
