I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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