I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
