i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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