i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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