I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
