I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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