I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
