Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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