I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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