I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
