M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
