Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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