We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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