Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize