My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
