i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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