The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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