Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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