Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize