By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
