Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
