Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize