I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
