He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
