I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize