Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They are going to name an STD after you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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