Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
