They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
