I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
