You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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