is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize