I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
