Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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