we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
