So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm too high and old for this...
I am mentally ready for anal.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
