was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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