I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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