i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We are all done wearing pants today
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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