I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
