wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
