You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
