the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
