How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
