Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dear god my vagina.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
