He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
