Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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