I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
