Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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